Wednesday, January 13, 2010


image courtesy

“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.” Oscar Wilde

“When a deep injury is done us, we never recover until we forgive” Alan Paton

This morning I had a wonderful phone conversation with a friend I have

known since we were 14. That is nearly 50 years. In a few months it will be. That’s a long time to have a friend. She and I both went to a school for girls for high school where we met. She and I both were goody two shoes in our previous schools, honor role students, (she is truly smart, I just worked hard), and she was also a good athlete, while I was, again, a hard worker, but without many results in this field!

She and I both also came out of this experience very damaged. It took us both a long time to realize that those 4 years were not meant to destroy us but to release us into our true selves. And today we talked about how we are both-FINALLY-ready to release our hatred for the headmistress, the teachers, the people who made our lives so miserable for those long 4 years.

The details are not relevant. Suffice it to say we both turned away from our goody two shoes personalities and became “bad girls” from the standpoint that we took to smoking and drinking to prove they couldn’t destroy us. Little did we realize at the time that we were only hurting ourselves. Ditto carrying a grudge for all these long years. Most of those “wicked people” are long gone and who is hurt by carrying grudges other than the carrier of those grudges? They become a heavy burden that slows down our progress and since both she and I are soul seekers, having that burden shadowing our every move has been yet another challenge.

Coincidentally, just before Christmas I received a plea for money from the school. That has happened at least once a year since the day we graduated, 46 years ago this June. It just so happens, though, that this year instead of throwing the appeal into the recycling bin unopened, I chose to open it, read it, and respond by writing a check. This sounds like a small thing, and indeed in some sense it was. The check was for a small amount, but it has been a HUGE step in my development. It wasn’t until I talked to my friend this morning that I realized what this step meant.

It meant that I was finally able to put this all behind me. It meant that I finally realized that this adversity was only a way to teach me lessons, ones I learned layers of over and over and over through my life. (I am after all a very slow learner!!!! Remedial life lessons I call it!) It meant I finally forgave the “offenders” who were really OK people after all is said and done. It was my attitude that demonized them. It meant that I could, after too many years, move on.

I truly believe in the power of educating women worldwide. Looking at the school which is so different from the one I attended, I made a conscious decision in December to support that belief by donating a few dollars to their mission of educating women. They are truly doing some amazing work with women. So why not support it?

It’s a small step in the whole scheme of things. But a big one for me. To forgive is sometimes the best hardest thing to do. To let go of those horrid memories and release them to the balm of forgiveness has done more for my soul than I can say.

I hope you can move ahead much more quickly than I did. To be honest, I have put so much focus on healing other issues this was kind of on the back burner for many years…..but believe me it never stopping simmering there!

What is on your soul’s mind that needs releasing? What is your plan to do so?

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

Catherine Ponder

Here are a few more quotes I found on forgiveness that I thought you might enjoy:

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

Lewis Smedes

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.” Lewis Smedes

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain

“To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”

Robert Muller

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

Mahatma Gandhi


  1. I can see the forgiveness flowing from the pen. The numbers are beautiful, and so is your heart.

  2. Oh, Diantha, what a powerful post! I've done a lot of work with that over the years and am happy to say that I feel free of my old hurts. The biggest forgiving I had to do was with my mother - with addiction in her life, our relationship was not good to say the least. And as she died very young and suddenly, the forgiving had to be done after she was gone. That made me realize that forgiveness is never for the other person, but always for ourselves. It also taught me to forgive myself most of all - when I am kind to myself I find that I am also kind to others. It's a tricky life, isn't it?! But so good at the same time... Love, Silke
    P.S. I'm glad you still have your good friend in your life!!

  3. Sweet Mermaid, thank you for your lovely support as always. I really appreciate you.

    Silke, oh yes, life is hard but oh so good! I love what you say about being kind to ourselves spilling over into how we treat others. Beautifully said! And thank you, I am also glad to have her in my life!

  4. Lovely post and lovely comments. I've often thought that forgiving yourself is the hardest thing of all. Have a great weekend.

  5. Susan, well said! I think you are right about that! Have a wonderful weekend yourself! xo

  6. I've heard forgiveness defined as "Give as before".

    I've learned this lesson too. For me, the biggest impact was when I released the resentment I realized I'd still been harbouring for my ex-husband. As soon as I truly let it all go, all manner of good things had room to enter into my life. And, in so doing, I believe he was finally able to move on, as well. It's good stuff, that.

  7. Amen to that, Carolynn! Good job, you! xo

  8. Diantha this was a very enlightening post. Thank you wise soul. :)
    It was probably only about a year ago when I realised the power of forgiveness and my soul is fully rejoicing!
    I hope many, many bloggers read this post and then more people will be free to "receive untold peace and happiness."
    I love adding quotes to my posts as well. They seem to be the icing on the cake.
    Peggy xxxx

  9. Oh Peggy, I love cake! And icing is good! I do love quotes and collect them...I realize as I write this that my Mom used to do so as well. Hmmm...something more in the genes no doubt! I hope people read this as well...but you know, I write what I need to hear I think. There is something in this message I no doubt needed to hear! xo

  10. The best way to eradicate your enemy is to send them love...for they will no longer be your enemy, but rather your friend!

  11. Oh Laura Rose....this is so well said! Let's all send this to Washington and all the world capitals! Beautiful!

  12. Forgiveness has lost its meaning, hasn't it?
    For a long time I had no idea what forgiving meant and I sure was not going to do it anyway, like you. Oh how little did I know that I was hurting myself.
    It is important to forgive, it is powerful to forgive and yet we know little about it.
    I love your personal story, it sure illustrates it well.
    Love Wilma

  13. Thanks Wilma. My father in law used to say, Too soon old, too late smart! Oh gosh...the older I get the truer that statement gets! xo

  14. Absolutely beautiful post - and picture too - Diantha! Forgiveness starts in our own hearts - forgiving ourselves makes it so much easier to forgive others. Took me a long while (decades) to understand that, let alone implement it! Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves! You're so right about feeling SOOO much better once you were able to wrap your mind about the concept of letting go, forgiving and then to write that check.....fabulous!!!!

  15. suZen, yes, sometimes learning these major life lessons takes awhile! But once learned, the relief is palpable! Glad you related to the post! Thanks! xo


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