Sunday, October 11, 2009

Detach from the Outcome

photo from the book, Simply Color

As feng shui practitioners we work to bring in desired changes in our clients’ lives. Most people are looking for help with relationships, money issues, career paths, or health. Other issues do come up of course but those seem to be the ones that become the main issues in people’s lives.

However, change, no matter how much it is desired, sometimes comes in a package we do not like. I know of a woman who had a feng shui consultation and after the changes were made, her boyfriend broke up with her. She was devastated until she met the love of her life a few weeks later and realized her first boyfriend was lacking several qualities she was seeking.

Then there was the client who had been married several years and asked for help with the stagnant relationship. She was not happy when several weeks after she implemented recommended changes, her husband moved out. However, they both decided to work on the relationship and sooner than later, he moved back in and they had a second wedding!

Or how about the woman who owned a failing restaurant and came to her feng shui pratitioner asking for help? When her restaurant failed soon thereafter for good, she was furious. But what happened is that loosing her restaurant freed her up to move on to what she REALLY wanted to do: sing opera. And that is what happened.

There are countless tales of people who are seeking change and yet when it comes they do not trust what they get. The package is not what they think they want. They get angry. They may be hurt, or disappointed and certainly dismayed. And quite often they may lash out at the feng shui practitioner.

The point is, when change comes, it is hard sometimes not to question the result. The Tao or the Buddha or the Dali Llama would teach us that we are to detach from the outcome and enlarge our thinking to include the possibility that getting what we DON’T want might be the gift. As in the example above, the woman lost her boyfriend but found the love of her life. The restauranteur lost her restaurant but literally found her voice. The couple lost each other only to return to love together in a whole new form.

Change. It is constant. Sometimes we get what we want, sometimes we don’t. Can you think of a time in your life when what you didn’t get what you wanted turned into a blessing?


  1. This couldn't have come at a better time for me. Coming back from seven days of silence, I had so much aversion to coming back, the noise, the whining, the chores, the work to catch up on, etc.

    Still, the richness of my life is because of all of these people and things, so once again, thank you.

    I've learned in working with patients that the outcome is not as important as really listening and being present for them. They walk right back into their problems, but know that if they are values by someone, they can value themselves.

  2. Great answer your question...I'm not sure. I would have to think about that. I am a person that asks for little and finds happiness in whatever my life is at that moment.

  3. Mermaid, I'm so glad this came at a good time for you. And that you had that wonderful break! And you are so right: most people just want someone to listen to them and validate their feelings. Beautiful....

    Kathy..You are one in a million! You are no doubt a happy, or at least content, person if you live without expectations! Thanks for your lovely comment!

  4. I did a post recently that when we let go of something, it makes room for something new to fill that place. Absolutely! :O)

  5. Very true, that has so often been my experience. The need to trust the bigger Universal plan.

  6. This ia an excellent post Diantha.
    I feel like I am on a path of change at the moment. Oh how I have come to cherish these new paths.
    I believe my angels are wonderful guides and if I listen very carefully I will find the right path for this particular time in this life.

    You shine your light very brightly Diantha, very brightly indeed.


  7. Gee,Peggy....thank you! Takes one to know one I think!

    The angels ARE wonderful guides! You are wise to listen to them! xo

  8. diantha,
    i prayed for many years that my long-term marriage would not fail, but it finally did. out of that came more blessings (as you know!) than I could have possibly imagined for myself. i thank God for all the prayers that didn't get answered! hugs! (great post, by the way)

  9. Jan, this is a perfect example! Thank you so much for sharing! xo

  10. Outstanding post, Diantha!

    The biggest disappointment, my failed marriage, turned out to be a blessing.

    I also remember praying for help to get in shape. Soon after, my car died and I ended up having to walk a lot to get around. Be careful what you ask for!

    I'm much more aware of how I phrase things now and I do my best to see the best in every situation.

    An affirmation I began while going through my divorce is "I am okay, no matter what happens." It's empowering and calming, both.


  11. Carolynn, you are so right. The things in life I have been most disappointed in have turned out to be the biggest blessings! And I laughed with your story about the car and walking! WONDERFUL example of watching what and how you ask for things! I LOVE your affirmation! It is perfect! Thank you so much for sharing it!


Thank you so much for taking the time to visit my blog. I value your input and thoughts. I send you each a blessing today for your highest good to be served. Namaste.